Life of Connor

As I said before, I helped Daddy write for his newspaper. Here's what we wrote:

My son Connor has occasionally made his way into this space this season.

Last week, Art Holden blamed him for my lackluster effort in the picks contest. Top man Aaron Dorksen correctly predicted that I'd say Connor could play quarterback better than Charlie Frye. (Prove to me that there isn't a person alive who can't. Rex Grossman doesn't count.)

I'm a proud dad and I make no apologies for it. I'm not telling anyone who has children anything new when I say there is nothing like the first time you see your own child.

But I digress. I'm going to turn part of this week's picks column over to him. I figure because part of this is simply where we make fun of each other, I'd let Connor, who is not yet 2, have a crack at it.

Go ahead, buddy. ...

Thanks Daddy. I guess now it's my turn to talk. For a second there, I thought he was never going to shut his mouth. I mean my goodness, does he always have to blabber on like that? Daddy briefed me on what everyone else has said in this space, so I have an idea, at least, if I need to respond directly to anyone.

Mr. Zach talked about being the letter Z in a school play. I must say, it is brave to be the letter that is used only slightly less than Q. You have to applaud that. Now that I'm a perfect clapper, I'll start. Kudos to you Mr. Bolinger. It takes courage to admit that. Oh, and I'm really proud to live with my parents. But, then again, they measure my age in months instead of decades.

I've made a couple visits to The Daily Record building and I've never seen Mr. Plant before. Daddy tells me he's new, which has to explain how he could trail Daddy in a picks contest. How else to explain losing to someone who went with Washington to beat Ohio State? Maybe Mr. Plant is trying to make my Daddy feel better. That's nice of him.

Mr. Schreiner talked about how he used to pick with his heart instead of his head and that's why he didn't do so well last year. Maybe that's Daddy's problem, or maybe Daddy doesn't listen to Mama enough. I know Daddy picked his alma mater to beat Can't Read, Can't Write, Kent State last week, then spent most of Saturday mad at someone named Frank Solich. It's good to see Mr. Schreiner over picking with his heart, though.

Mr. Dorksen said Daddy thinks I can play football better than Charlie Frye. Well, honestly, who isn't better than Mr. Frye? Daddy said something about Rex Grossman when I asked him that. But, Mr. Dorksen also talked a lot to Dr. Fumblerooski, who seemed a bit scary. But Daddy tells me Halloween is coming. Maybe Mr. Dorksen and the doctor did that on purpose.

Mrs. Bayer seemed nice. She talked about how her son plays the tuba. I really like my drum and xylophone right now. I like playing music. Mrs. Bayer didn't make fun of anyone, which kind of seems odd. After all, she puts up with them all, then does all the research for the picks. I think maybe she's being nice to them by not beating them.

Finally, Mr. Holden said I might be interfering with Daddy's ability to correctly pick games, which just seems so wrong it's silly. I told Daddy it was silly to pick Washington to beat my Buckeyes. But, did he listen? Good thing I inherited Mama's incredible knowledge of football in the womb. If Daddy let me pick more for him, I might have him in the lead. Sheesh, listen once in a while.

Oh crud, Daddy's grabbing the computer. Nice meeting you all.

At some point, that kid is going to find some respect for me. If he doesn't do so soon, he's changing his own diapers.

Now, as far as the picks this week go, I really like a few of the high school games. I love Ashland-Orrville and Mansfield Senior-West Holmes. Those are going to be really good.

There isn't a college game on the list that isn't intriguing. Florida-LSU is the game of the year. The national champions playing with their postseason fate on the line against one of the two best teams in the country is delicious. Kentucky in the top 10 is just silly. I wonder if Steve Spurrier would like beating them much?

As far as the pro slate goes, there is no intrigue at all in the first game. Yes, the Browns are better. But, be serious. If I wasted my money gambling, I'd take New England and give the points. The second one is slightly more intriguing, until we remember the Packers are 4-0 and the Bears are like me, fighting to stay out of the cellar.

...

Reading that, you really must agree that I have a gift for that sort of thing. Not to toot my own horn, but I think it was pretty good. I got my picture in Daddy's newspaper and everything. The first picture we used on this blog post is the one they used. Hooray for Me!!!

I also like reading. A lot. I love books. My favorite story is Chicka, Chicka, Boom, Boom. It has letters and they go up a coconut tree until kaboom, the tree can't hold them and they all fall down boom. I hop some Day I'm not in a tree that bends over and makes me fall out and go boom. That would hurt. I know because trees are much taller than even Daddy and he is quite tall.

But, as I was saying, I love books. I love big books, small books, board books and books Mama reads, then lets me read, but only when I sit with her. They have pages that are paper and no pictures. I'm really excited for the time when I can read books that have no pictures in them. This seems like a relatively new concept for Daddy.

At any rate, I was really happy to hear the nice Cleveland Indians beat the Yankees. Mama and Daddy didn't seem to root much for the Yankees. Daddy said something about a man who plays for them, Mr. Alex Rodriguez, going to play for the Cincinnati Reds. But, I think Daddy is just hoping.

Things have been great this week. I hope to tell you all more in another week.

Thanks for stopping by.

Connor